The Engagement Party
Main Participants: Shelly, Mammy2, The Kid
Extras: Brother, Future-Sister-in-Law, Aunty 1, Aunty 2, Uncle 1, Uncle 2, Aunt-in-Law, Random Cousins, Pervy Cousin, Random Relatives, Random Friends
Locations: Sean’s Bar, Athlone, Custume Barracks Athlone.
Act 1, Scene 1
(Our main participants are gathered in Sean’s bar working on a plan for the evening ahead. Safe words need to be established in case one of them gets
boxed in with a relative. The kid offers sage advice)
The Kid: Look, we stick together and if we get seperated we all have our phones so we text.
Shelly: Text what?
The Kid: Help or something, anything to get you distracted and so we will realise you need help see? Its a perfect plan, it can’t fail.
(evil cackle)
(Atmospheric thunder and lightning)
The main participants look confused so boom man stops making that noise.
FADE TO Custume Barracks, 8.50
Act 1, Scene 2
The main particiapants having carefully negociated the gate checkpoint on the way in arrive early for the party. There follows a series of glares from Mammy2 to Shelly.
The Kid: I need to pee, I can’t believe we’re this early.
(Camera pans empty function room apart from the dj who was setting up. Shelly takes the time to take attention away from how early they are to look at the various pics that have been put up of brother and future-sister-in-law. Meanwhile Mammy2 is hanging over the bar counter trying to assess what beer is on offer.)
ENTER BARMAN FROM REAR DOOR
Barman: Is it a thirst you have on ya? You’re very early.
(Another glare from Mammy2 to Shelly )
Barman: What’ll ya have?
(Mammy2 gets distracted with the price of cheap drink and forgets about how ridicously early they are.
Eventually people (Brother, Future-Sister-in-Law, Random Friend 1) arrive. )
Shelly: What time do you call this? We’ve been here since 8 o’clock.
Mammy2: Yes, Shellytime.
The Kid: Is it time to go yet?
The txting begins. Our main particpants are seated near enough the door to make out everyone coming in so as to avoid them if needs be and far enough away so as not everyone will join them. The plan appears to be working until they mistakenly take future-sister-in-law’s sister for someone else. Mammy2’s eyes widen whilst the Kid wants to know who she is.
Shelly: We move to defcon 4 people, DEFCON 4.
There is an attempt to persaude the kid to try and stretch herself across a 3 people seat. She is having none of it.
Future-sister-in-law arrives over with mistaken identity woman who turns out to be twin 1. Much pumping of arms and name falling into one ear and out the other. As soon as twin 1
leaves the table:
Shelly: Which one was she again?
The Kid rolls her eyes and Mammy2 is looking worried about the ‘music’ coming from the dj. She claims that Shelly’s ipod is being used. The Hillbilly rock blasts out into the function room.
Twin 2 arrives, more introductions. Future-sister-in-law’s dad and mum arrive. More introductions. There will be no remembering all the names.
More Random strangers arrive. Finally Uncle 1 and aunty in law with random cousins arrive. Our main parcipants stop circling the wagons to allow them to sit down. Lots of chat ensue
involving how different the kid looks, how she looks more like her mother every day and what she’s up to these days. Mammy2 is having a great time at the bar confusing everyone:
Random Stranger 1: So you know Keith?
Mammy2: Yeah, I’m his sister’s partner.
Random Stranger: Ooooooooooooooooooooooooh…
Random Stranger 2: So you’re..
Mammy2 on the way back from the bar: Yeah I am..
Aunty 2 arrives in with demon family. She eventually makes her way over and sandwiches herself between Shelly and the kid interruping the kid talking to aunty-in-law.
Aunty 2: How are ya, look at you, the spit of your mother, god you’re looking amazing, isn’t she amazing. Ah H, I haven’t seen ye in ages, how are ye?
She turns to Shelly who she has been using as a support whilst leaning over to talk to the kid
“And how’s K? Any news from her?”
Aunty 1 has arrived and wants Shelly to dance. Aunty 1 normally has a perimter of cones around her to keep Shelly and her lesbianism away. Shelly throws some ridiclous shapes on the floor, whilst waving to her comrades. Paralyis had set in for them so no dancing. They kindly wave every time Shelly was swung by them.
Act 1, Scene 3
The Bathroom:
Shelly takes the best part of 5 minutes to get a bolt across in the toilet cubicle only to realise that its going to be difficult to get bolt back across. After many minutes, she txts her comrades for help. Mammy2 comes to her aid. The kid got the message, saved it cause it was hilarious and went back to talking to aunty-in-law.
FADE BACK TO FUNCTION ROOM
Pervy cousin of Demon family is throwing some ‘moves’ with the blow-up doll he brought along for a gf. Uncle 2 is dancing around with no-one in particular, he wanders from
table to table until eventually the kid takes pity on him and gets up and dances with him. He keeps wanting to spin people which doesn’t go down too well with the kid and the glasses
of wine she’s consumed.
Shelly nearly makes it back to the table when she persauded to the dance floor. Aunty 2 is trying to talk whilst dancing. Something about Shelly having lost a load of weight. Shelly
decides she must have been a heffalump the last time Aunty 2 seen her which was in May. Talk moves to the kid and how she looks amazing and then onto the sister K and how
she’s doing.
Shelly dances backwards towards her table and gets to sit down. Aunty-in-law wants to talk about what she reckons happened to Mama Titch. The kid and Mammy2 put our safety plan into emergency overdrive and Shelly is successfully rescued. The kid has enough of the music and puts her ipod on.
The brother dances past and glares at her. The kid responds with a raised eyebrow. The kid and Shelly are nearing the time to go home. Mammy2 makes a joke about the national anthem
being played at the end. The kid suddenly needs some air.
The dj plays the national anthem. Mammy2 and the kid enter as its finishing with Mammy2 having a look of utter disbelief on her face.
CREDITS ROLL
