I have to say the web is a minefield of information when it comes to do with conceiving, fertility and anything else you might want information on. For example I am having the worst case of PMT in a long time. In my head this equals a non-success. However the gospel according to google tells me:

Or that early pregnancy symptoms can mimic pre-menstrual symptoms (although sometimes they are a little more severe)? Whereas you may feel you have a particularly bad dose of PMT, you may in fact later realise that you were pregnant! Some women experience pregnancy symptoms within just a few days of conception; others experience nothing at all until a few weeks
into the pregnancy.

And check out this for a tick-list:
Early pregnancy symptoms include:

• Nausea/ Vomiting
• Enhanced Sense of Smell
• Frequent Urination
• Breast Tenderness
• Tiredness
• Missed Period
• Light Bleeding
• Dizziness/ Fainting
• Constipation
• Mood Swings/ Irritability
• Heartburn/ Indigestion
• Changes in Complexion
• Increased Cervical Mucous/ Vaginal Discharge
• Weight Loss
• Cramping
• Backache
• Headaches
• Enhanced Sense of Taste
• Vaginal Changes

There that narrows it down doesn’t it?! I’m so glad I’m much more informed then before.

This entry was posted on Thursday, February 26th, 2009 at 2:43 pm You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.

We caught the oscars last night, or should I say the ‘highlights’. I’ll summarise it for you in the following points.

- Hugh Jackman not only looks good enough to gobble up, but he can sing.
- I love Anne Hathaway even more now. She smiled, she stood, she appaulded and she cried at just the right moments.
- Kate managed to not make an eejit of herself.
- Sean Penn’s speech was amazing.
- Slumdog won every other oscar including the yet to be set up one called The Best use of a British teabag in a former colony award.

Seriously, its a good film. Not an amazing film, not fantastic. Good. Lets stop the fawning because it makes us feel good. Okay so I’m bitter.

I spent the best part of 2 hours and 40 minutes on Sunday growing old watching Brad Pitt get younger and Julie Ormond be underused. The curious case of how did they turn a 16 page short story into that mammoth movie.

The hormones are in control of my body again. Damn little feckers. Mammy2 arrived home to find me ripping apart the place looking for

1) The battery recharger
2) The instrucition booklet for the dvd recorder.

The scart leads are causing me no end of grief. I went training to take my annoyence out on them. I’m not sure what vibe I gave up but when it came to the sensei asking everyone to grab a partner, everyone partnered off as if they had rehearsed it and I was left with a punch bag. Which suited me.
I walloped the crap out of that for the best part of 40 minutes which did alleviated the stress somewhat. I guess the hormones are trying in their own ’subtle’ way to let me know this time wasn’t a success. I could do without the subtly. I do subtly like a sledgehammer to the face. Hence I don’t understand their issues.

Good news though, the sister is home in a few days. AND I managed to get my music set up in work, which means I can retire to the happy place where music makes everything better.

For the safety of my work colleagues, its tea and chocolate time time.

This entry was posted on Tuesday, February 24th, 2009 at 9:26 am You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.

There are times when I don’t think of her, I mean it would be weird to sit around all day thinking about her. I’d get nothing done! But lately, possibly because its getting near spring and my hormones are all over the shop since the trip to the clinic but I really want to be able to talk to her.

Ask her what she thinks of the whole thing. Give out to her for mowing the lawns late into the evening when she’ll catch her death and the lawns aren’t even that long. Find out when the turf needs doing. Chat with her about the family holiday and where we should go now that the kid is old enough to not be a pain in the ass. What would she make of the kid now? What would she make of how we did things?

I wonder how the kid would have turned out if she was still around. Would she be in college now? Leading a more settled life? Did we do a good job? Could we have done better? Did we do all we can? Did we make the right choices for her.

Were we right not to sue the hospital? Every second day you read about how hospitals admit liability for various operations etc they screwed up. Would it be worth? What would we get from it. An admission of guilt is not going to help us.

I want to ring her and hear her nattering on about the flowers I have no names for blooming, the weather being nice and mild and the government being a shower of shites.

I see so many people out and about with their mammies. I miss mine.

This entry was posted on Thursday, February 19th, 2009 at 3:09 pm You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.

Apparently that’s where I’m at the moment, where I await to see if insert many medical expressions here , result in the egg being jumped upon by smoe danish swimmers. Friday went really well. I did everything in my power to keep myself prepared , from reading up and understanding what was going on to watching the Pussycat dolls videos on youtube. I was still so nervous. More so about the procedure then the end result. However having gone to my GP before and doing a dummy run so to speak did calm me somewhat. It didn’t stop me from needing to go to the toliet every few minutes though. Mammy2 got off work on time and did everything in her power to keep the stress levels down.

From not driving through an orange light and chattering away about other stuff to keep my mind preoccupied. We arrived bang on time. Sitting the waiting room, Mammy2 found it quite funny that on top of all that dreadful magazines they keep in waiting rooms, there was a book on rugby called Rucking and Rolling, 60 years of rugby. Sure enough inside there were enough pictures to keep me entertained until the doctor called me.

When the nice doctor called us in, she explained that the counseller who had spoken to us had highlighted I might have some problems. The doctor wanted to go through exactly what was going to happen to me and if at any stage I felt uncomfortable etc, I could request them to stop. They were also searching for a tiny speculum. Its the speculum that causes the discomfort and as I have, as the medical people put it pin-hole cervical os then a smaller one would ease the discomfort. Sounds lovely doesn’t? The doctor also told us some information about the doctor who was going to be doing the procedure and how he’s an expert in his field. Thankfully I was too busy trying to get over the mention of a smaller speculum and the slight bit of relief to notice it. I don’t really have issues with male doctors usually but in matters of a womanly nature I usually prefer the females. Bit late for that, clothes off, up onto the bed. Mammy2 was great as was the other doctor.

The male doctor turned out to be lovely, he looked like a real dad type person. He explained everything and I felt slightly better. Mammy2 had a tight hold of the hand and was keeping a close eye on me. So I braced myself and was ready, or so I thought until the damn speculum went in. I froze and tensed and it was really uncomfortable. I mean, I was ready to stop. Mammy2 was getting her hand squeezed off her and the Dr J was very nice. I explained I was sore, Mammy2 talked me through the whole breathing through pain thingy that we had practiced. I mean I have a very high pain threshold, but when there’s the feeling of a small vice grips attached to your lower regions all thresholds got out the window. Thankfully both doctors and Mammy2 were very patient and we got through it. According to them , I was great. I’m not sure what horror stories the counseller had told them about the potential disaster this IUI was going to be, and perhap I was high from getting through it, but I could swore I saw the other doctor take off her amercian football helmut and padding from her body. Did she think I was going to throw her against the wall?!

I was so delighted with myself. I had built this procedure up so much in my head that I had gotten to the stage where I had convinced myself I wasn’t going to be able to have kids because of my silly body. It was such a relief. Now its all down to the body. We’re both trying not to get our hopes up. I have written it off and am talking about how we work it the next time, do we take a month off or go straight into another treatement. Anything to take my mind off it as I don’t know how I am going to feel. There is always the chance it was a success. To conceieve on Valentine’s weekend in the middle of lots of rugby would be a great story. We shall see. The main thing is I got through it and lived to tell the tale. Without ending up walking like John Wayne. I just hope the danish swimmers are able for the divas that are my ovaries.

This entry was posted on Sunday, February 15th, 2009 at 12:43 pm You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.

Its finally happened. I had to ring the clinic this morning and make the appointment for my treatment. I have calmed down now but initially was panicked. What does one say to the receptionist?

- Hi, I need to be serviced?
- Hey, one cup of sperm and a croissant to go please?
- Hello, my ovaries seek like minded for long walks on the beach.

When it came down to, I asked Mammy2 and she told me to ring, make the appointment and leave it at that. And I did. The receptionist was a lot calmer then I was and said that they had a free slot at 12.50. So I’ve put in for tomorrow off and here’s to our first attempt.

In one part of my brain I have written it off as a non-success already. After all the evidence is stacked against us.

1) OPKs refusing to work.
2) First attempt with the clinic.
3) First attempt in over a year, perhaps the ovum will make strange, or turn gay.
4) Numerous other reasons why it won’t work.

Tomorrow I will watch a lot of rugby and some of that rogue vampire slayer Faith. Just to prepare the body for the impending insemination. Its a whole lot easier when the body is ‘distracted’. By the end of it, the ovaries will most likely catch the 46A out to Donnybrook they’ll be so eager for some action.

This entry was posted on Thursday, February 12th, 2009 at 12:50 pm You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.